shattered
by m.mms
Summary: It starts in 6.23 and it's more about Lucas but it has LP too.


**A side note: **English is not my first language, so if you find mistakes at some points I apologize.

* * *

"Hey! I love you Peyton Scott ! "

These were the last words Lucas said to her before he left to bring the surprise for her. He said it with such adoration in his eyes and so genuinely, and then grinned. He was so happy, happier more than ever. His biggest dream had come true, why wouldn't he be? What else could he want? After all that drama and after all that they had been through he finally married the girl that he always wanted, the girl that always had his whole heart. After 10 years of his wish, he finally could call Peyton Sawyer, Peyton Scott. And when he did it for the first time his eyes were glowing from joy. And this was the second time that he did that in less than 5 minutes. Then he left to bring the surprise that he had prepared for her, the comet. It had a huge role in their history and they had too many memories with it : the first time they talked, the last day they spent with each other before she left to LA and so many others too, of course it had a special meaning to them because of Lucas' second book too. That's why Peyton got so upset when it got crashed and that's why he tried so hard to fix it, to make her happy. He couldn't wait to see her reaction, he brought it and then entered the house and called her: "Hey Peyton!..............oh Mrs Scott!" he kept moving towards their room, where he thought she would be, but by seeing blood on the floor in front of their room his heart nearly stopped. The happy expression on his face changed to a terrified one and his eyes became a little wide. Then he saw her unconscious on the floor and for one moment he felt he couldn't breathe anymore: "Peyton!" he rushed to her: "oh god! " almost whispered , picked her from floor and held her tight close to himself while touched her face slightly with his own: " oh Peyton, Peyton……" whispered again in a pleading way, then screamed "stay with me!"

He took her to the hospital and carried her in himself, and considering her wedding dress it was as if he was carrying a fallen angel, his angel. His heart was breaking ,He was so scared to lose her and wanted to protect her and save her, just like he had so many times before but what could he do this time? Just like he had told her a few months ago: "you talk about how I'm always saving you Peyton, and I can't save you from this". Doctors and nurses came to take her and put her on a stretcher but it was like he didn't want to let go of her, like he was afraid if he does he'll never see her again, but they had to take her so the least he could do was to kiss her arm while they were taking her away from him. They took her to prepare her for the surgery. He was so sad and shocked that he stood there frozen a few minutes after they left, then suddenly noticed that his hand was covered in blood, her blood. He went to bathroom, took off his ring, and washed his hand. He cleaned them with water, so angrily, then looked at his ring. It was bloody too. He just remembered how she was putting it on his hand a few hours ago and how she said: "I'm so terribly in love with you, and I always will be". He started to remember how it all begun, from the first time he saw her about 10 years ago to first time he talked to her in Junior :

"That's me inside your head….."

"………so why did you just tell me all that, I mean we don't really know each other"

"Maybe that's the point"

First time she kissed him and a few minutes after where he told her how he felt for the first time:

"I want this, I wanna be here, I wanna have everything with you, I want us"

The moment she told him that she loved him:

"You're always saving me"

"Somebody's got to"

"If I say I love you right now will you hold it against me?"

The moment he had his clarity:

"Hey Peyton it's you! When all my dreams come true, the one I want next to me, it's you"

The moment she told him she was still in love with him and kissed him and he couldn't resist kissing her back though he was with someone else in that time.

The moment he saw her face in airport and how relieved and happy he got by that:

"You are a mess Lucas Scott, but you are my mess and I love you"

The moment she told her they were having this baby: "I'm having your baby Lucas Scott, our baby, we're pregnant"

And finally the moment they said their vows and after that when they were pronounced "man and wife".

He remembered all this significant moments, and got even more upset and scared. Was this the end for them? Losing her was always his biggest fear in life. That's why he desperately wanted to convince her to end this pregnancy when he realized there were some complications and that he might lose her again and this time forever: "I can't live without you Peyton" but in the end he agreed to keep the baby because he realized that was the right thing to do and also because she assured him everything would be ok: "oh honey, you don't have to and you are not going to, we are gonna live happily ever after, all three of us" by remembering this he became a little calm. She promised and she always keeps her promises. He tried to reassure himself that everything was gonna be ok……

He was allowed to watch the surgery from gallery, where Haley, Nathan, Brooke and Julian joined him later. The surgery was taking so much time and he just kept looking and also praying that both of them would be fine. His eyes were so worried and he was so sad, it was like he had fallen from top of the world. Haley rubbed his back a few times and tried to comfort him a bit. They took the baby out and she could make it. But after that Lucas saw the doctors going back and forth and nervously doing some things, he got terrified, then he saw the monitor showing the flat line. Her heart had stopped beating and he felt his own heart was about to stop too. It was the same thing that happened during his mom's surgery and back then he had screamed but now he didn't even have the strength to do that, he just took one step to reach the window and put his hand on it and whispered: "come back,……please come back" while he had tears in his eyes…………

* * *

Lucas was standing at the river road, the place they talked to each other for the first time, the place he gave her a ring, the place that their wedding was, the place she called it "our spot" .He was smiling and looking at the view. Peyton came and stood beside him. She was wearing her wedding dress. He looked at her and grinned. She gave him a smile too.

"Are you ready to go home?" Lucas said and stretched his hand towards her.

Peyton nodded and took his hand.

They started walking but suddenly Lucas looked around and noticed that they were in cemetery:

"What are we doing in cemetery? I said let's go home"

"This is my home now Luke. I'm dead" .She said this and slowly vanished.

"No!" He ran after her and tried to get her but she was gone already. He got teary eyed and he kept looking for her with his eyes but then saw a grave in front of him and what was written on it made him froze "Peyton Scott". He just broke down and started to sob…

Suddenly he opened his eyes and sat in bed while he was panting. His face was all sweaty and his eyes wide. He took a deep breath and tried to get calm. After a few minutes he put his head on pillow but then baby started to cry. He went to her room, picked her up gently: "hey, shhh, don't worry, daddy's here……daddy's here". Then fed her with a bottle, changed her diaper and put her to sleep again. After that he went to bed and lay down but didn't sleep, he just kept staring at her empty place. He couldn't sleep again and after one hour it was almost morning, he got up and went to bathroom to wash his face and hands. He looked in mirror, he was a mess and was looking like a ghost, thinner than before, long hair, beard, pale skin, hollow eyes from sleepless nights. Of course it wasn't all baby's fault, even when baby was asleep he couldn't get much sleep. And even when he could fall asleep he was forced to wake up a short while after that by those awful nightmares. He went to kitchen to drink some coffee, but he didn't have the mood to make breakfast, hell he even wasn't hungry. Somebody knocked the door, it was Haley:

"Hey! How are you two?"

"Hi, we are good"

"Ok, I just wanted to check up on you. How is the nanny you hired? Is she good with her?"

"Yeah she seems good"

Lucas had hired a nanny a few days ago to take care of her daughter when he goes to work, because suspension time was over and he had to start to work at school again.

"Just be careful she might want to seduce you like ours did with Nathan" she tried to make a joke to make him laugh, he hadn't laughed in a long time and he didn't this time either, he just gave her a slight smile and said: "she is too old to do that "

Haley smiled back but her heart was breaking for her best friend, he was looking so broken: "Luke, are you ok? I mean you don't seem so good, which I get, you have every right to be miserable now but talk to me, let us help you"

"I'm fine"

She looked at him with worried eyes: "ok, I'm gonna go, call me if you need anything"

"Ok, thanks"

"Bye"

"Bye"

The nanny came, it was her fifth day to work there, the other days Lucas had been there to make sure she knows how to do her job but today he was gonna leave them alone for a while:

"So, I already fed her and changed her diaper, you know where everything is but if you needed anything just call my cell, ok?"

"Stop worrying Mr Scott, this is not my first time! Just go and do your thing"

"Ok, I'll be back in a few hours" …………..

He opened the door of a room and entered. Peyton was lying in bed unconscious, with some wires all over her body, she also was hooked up to oxygen and some other medical stuff. But only seeing her face brought a little light to his lifeless blue eyes. He slightly smiled: "how are you doing today?" and softly kissed her forehead, then he picked a comb from his bag and gently brushed her hair, and then stroked it: "well, you look beautiful as always". After that he sat and took her hand and continued: "I'm a little nervous about tomorrow, 'cause you know I'll be back at school,…..wish me luck" and tried to smile but then looked at her, and got sad and teary eyed but tried to hold it together and after a short pause continued: "well, here we go, just like I promised, 3 pages everyday and let's start today's work" He picked his first book, An Unkindness Of Ravens, from his bag and opened it: "where were we?....... Oh yeah, here" he smiled: "you know, this is my favorite part of the book, I'm sure you love it too":

"In that moment, my triumph was not a state championship but simple clarity. The realization that we had always been meant for each other and every instinct to the contrary had simply been denial of the following truth: I was now, and would always be, in love with Peyton Sawyer."

His voice became so shaky and his eyes teary, when he was reading the last part but again he didn't let his tears fall. He paused a little then continued until 3 pages finished, after that he closed the book and put it in his bag: "you know, there is nothing much left from this book, I guess when we are finished we can read "the comet" together." He chuckled nervously: "but then after that……I mean I only have written two books,…….what am I saying, I'm sure you'll wake up by then……or even sooner" looked at her again with sad eyes. A nurse came to the room: "Hi". She had come to give Peyton's body some kind of exercise, like some kind of physiotherapy thing , because it had been 5 months that she was in coma and since she wasn't able to move they had to do that regularly to prevent bed sores and to keep her muscles in normal shape. She wanted to start her work that Lucas said: "um…..,you don't need to do that, I'll do it myself" .Nurse looked at him surprisingly. He explained: "You are new here, right? My wife has been in coma for 5 months, and I've learnt how to do that because I wanted to do that myself, every nurse here knows about this." the new nurse was still unsure: "ok then, do it in front of me to see how you do it"

"Ok" he started and did his work very well. The nurse was impressed: "ok, you did it good, but there is still one more thing"

"Yeah I know, I should lay her on one side because it's not good if she keeps lying only in one form and to the back"

The nurse smiled: "that's right, so you are gonna need these" and referred to some pillows that were there (those pillows were for preventing her body to fall back, they had to be put behind her), but Lucas said: "oh no, we don't need them" then laid her on one side carefully and gently and he lay on one side behind her himself, while he was careful not to ruin the wires that were attached to her body (This way he prevented her from falling back by his own body.) Then wrapped his arm around her and put his fingers on hers, kissed her neck and in continue to what he said earlier, said: "do we?" then looked at her while he was smiling. Nurse kept looking at him in a strange way, for a few minutes, like he was kinda insane, though she was admiring him at the same time………

The next morning, after nanny came Lucas got ready and went to work, but he had no idea the first day back at school would be that hard. When he arrived at school, he just kept remembering all their memories and all the time they had together in there, and they sure weren't a few, every single part of that school was a memory and it was hard on him, he fought the urge to leave all the time he was there and when he finally could go, he didn't waste a second and escaped as soon as possible. He was too exhausted, both emotionally and physically and it wasn't just because of this day, this day just topped it of course and was rough, but the major problem didn't have to do anything with this particular day. He picked his daughter from home and went to Haley's house:

Nathan: hey!

Lucas: Hi

Haley: "oh hi to you two…..look at her, come here cutie" and took the baby from Luke "ok, how long do we have to call her baby, cutie or these kind of things? You need to name her Luke"

"I know, I just want to wait till Peyton wakes up, I want to ask her opinion"

Nathan and Haley exchanged a look.

Haley: Luke …….you don't know when that will be or even maybe…….. I mean she is 5 months old and she still doesn't have a name.

Lucas got mad: maybe what?

Haley paused: "I know you don't want to but you need to face the truth…….maybe she won't wake up at all."

Lucas: she WILL wake up.

Nathan and Haley looked at each other again.

Lucas had had enough for that day and he was worn out, he looked like he was about to pass out from exhaustion, he started to stagger and was gonna fall that Nathan got him: "whoa! Are you okay?.......come here sit for a while" and helped him to sit, Luke took his head with his hand and closed his eyes for a few minutes. Haley and Nathan were worried.

Haley: hey, are you alright? Do you need a doctor?

Lucas opened his eyes: "no, I'm fine, my head was spinning for a moment, that's all"

Nathan: are you sure? I can take you to the doctor.

Lucas responded: "yeah, it's nothing. I'm fine."

Haley: Luke, I know that you are trying to be strong for Peyton and your daughter, but even the hardest rock has a breaking point, you are killing yourself, please at least talk to us"

Lucas: I'm fine, really….anyway, I came here to ask you to take care of the baby for while so I can go to hospital, the nanny had to go early today, so….., can you do that?

Haley: yeah, sure.

"Thank you" he said and got up to leave.

Nathan: can you drive?

Lucas: yeah……I'll be back soon, bye……..

He entered her room but the bed was empty, neat and made. He got shocked and so scared, his eyes became wide and his heart almost stopped, he just went towards the bed and stared at it, he didn't know what to do. A nurse came to the room. With the little remained strength in him he whispered: "where is she?" his eyes were terrified. The nurse said: "don't worry, we just had to change her room, because………". He didn't hear the rest he just got relieved, closed his eyes for one second and took a deep breath.

Nurse: are you okay?

He opened his eyes to answer "yeah" but when he did, everything was foggy, he felt a huge pain in his chest and collapsed……

When he opened his eyes, two doctors and two nurses were there, he was lying in a bed, hooked to a serum, monitor and oxygen. He was still confused and tried to get up.

Doctor: no, no, you need to lie down and rest.

Lucas looked around: "what happened?"

Doctor: you collapsed, you didn't have a heart attack but your heart was beating too fast, and though we got it under control and it's normal now but you need to take it easy and rest. You should spend the night here and you can go tomorrow morning.

"I'm fine, I need to see my wife" Lucas said and tried to get up again. The doctor got pissed and tried to stop him with his hands: "didn't you hear a word I said?! What you have been doing is not healthy, when was the last time that you even slept or ate something? Your body is exhausted"

"Not only my body" Lucas whispered and looked away.

Doctor softly continued while he was worried: "it seems like you've been under too much pressure and stress lately and with considering the fact that you have a heart condition it can be very dangerous for you, like I said you need to take it easy and rest, your heart can't take it anymore."

"You are damn right my heart can't take it anymore" whispered again while he still was looking away, then paused a little, looked at the doctor and said: "but I NEED to be beside her……I don't expect you to understand but…..it comforts me."

The doctor paused, then said: "if I take your bed to her room will you promise me that you will get some rest?"

Lucas nodded……..

Their bed was right beside each other, there wasn't even a little distance between them, it was as if they were on one big bed. He was lying so close to her and only that was so soothing for him. A nurse came: "here, a phone that you requested for"

"Thanks". He called Haley: "hi, listen I'm gonna stay at hospital tonight, can you take care of baby until tomorrow?"

Haley got worried: "why? Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, everything is fine, I just need to stay here tonight"

"Ok, don't worry, I'll take care of her"

"Thanks"……

He lay there beside her and watched her for a while, then he started to whisper to her while he was stroking her hair at the same time: "this is nice, …..it's been long since last time we slept beside each other……….so, how was your day?.......Mine was rough and totally sucked" he chuckled nervously and continued: "you know I was supposed to go to school today……..and it was really hard being there and remembering all the memories……I just…….." his voice started shaking while his eyes became teary too: "I've been trying to put a brave face to all this and I've being doing my best to be strong for you and our daughter and I keep telling everybody that I'm fine, and everyone think that I'm holding up ok…… but….but the truth is that I've fallen apart and I'm really torn and broken inside,….……and I just…..I'm so exhausted and I just can't take it anymore, I mean I will wait, no matter how long it takes….I'll wait for you to wake up but they say…..they say you may not wake up at all and even thinking about it kills me………I mean you promised…….and you always keep your promises, right?..........., don't you see, this is exactly what I was afraid of, losing you again…….and I've already told you, I can't live without you, I love you with all my heart and I just can't……." tears started to fall down from his eyes and he couldn't continue, finally he broke down and started to cry for the first time in 5 months. He sobbed for a while, then said: "see? Even when you are unconscious you are the only one that I can open up too" and again chuckled nervously while saying that, though tears were still dropping from his eyes. "God,……please wake up, ok? I beg you"....... And after some minutes of sobbing and pleading with her he fell asleep….. .

The next morning when he woke up he was feeling better, in fact it had been so long that he hadn't slept that well. When he opened his eyes and saw her beside himself, a slight smile came on his lips "hey". After a short while they came and released him but he didn't go, he just called Haley and asked her to bring the baby to the hospital. He had brought her there every once in a while. Haley brought her and gave her to Lucas. Luke stood outside the room, holding his daughter, while Haley went to visit Peyton, then she waited outside the room while Lucas took the baby to the room. He sat on the chair beside her bed and put the baby on his legs, then he looked at Peyton and while he was smiling, said: "look who is here" looked at his daughter gently: "say hi to mommy". And looked at Peyton again "you know she has really grown up, and she is healthy and so beautiful……..and she really looks like you" he took Peyton's hand and brought it close to himself and baby, while he was speaking. The baby took Peyton's forefinger, and smiled (for god knows why) and this broke Luke's heart even more, his eyes became teary and his voice shaky: "She needs you…..I mean I'm doing what I can for her but she needs her mom…..I need her mom…..she doesn't even have a name." tears started dropping from his eyes and he was holding her hand so tight while he tried to continue: "…we were supposed to do that together…….I can't do this without you" shook his head "…and I'm just afraid that we are gonna lose you and it's gonna be the two of us and she doesn't even have a name…" and kept looking at Peyton's face. Haley entered the room: "Luke….I should get going, let me take her"

"Ok,......you go and I'll come in 2 hours, thank you for taking care of her"

Haley realized he had been crying before she had entered but she decided to not say anything about it, she didn't want to make him uncomfortable, she just looked at him kindly and said: "Sure, I'm here for you" then took the baby and left. Lucas sat there again, laid his head down on the bed, beside her body while he was holding her hand tight , and closed his eyes but in less than a minute he heard her voice: "Sawyer" he opened his eyes and looked at her. Her eyes were open but he didn't say anything to her, he thought he was dreaming, he just kept looking at her with a shock expression on his face. Peyton looked at him and said: "her name is Sawyer, ok?" Just then he got sure that he wasn't dreaming, tears fell on his cheeks, he sighed out of relief and slightly chuckled, then got up and went towards her face as fast as he could, as if he just flew to her, then whispered: "ok,…Sawyer Scott……God you scared me" and kissed her forehead so gently and passionately, then leaned his forehead to hers and closed his eyes for a minute. Peyton's eyes were half open and she was looking so weak and tired but she started to stroke him. He opened his eyes: "my god……I was so scared that you weren't gonna wake up" Lucas said and kissed her forehead again. Peyton whispered: "and missed out on being with you?" and gave him a smile. He looked at her with such adoration and chuckled again.

Peyton: "Is she here? Can I see her?"

Lucas: "Haley just took her, they just left…..I'm gonna call her and tell her bring her back, and while they get here those doctors can take a look at you, I'll be right back……"

The doctors came and left and a short while after that Lucas entered the room while his daughter was in his arms. He came closer, gave her to Peyton and sat on the chair. Peyton's tears started to fall down, tears of joy. "Hey Sawyer! Remember me?....I missed you" kissed her forehead: "I'm gonna love you forever" then looked at Lucas. Lucas grinned and kissed her lips and stroked her face after that, then they both chuckled, though their tears were still falling as they were looking at their baby……..

THE END


End file.
